Nature is a very good teacher. We can learn a lot by observing it. I came across this story one day and thought it had an important lesson about life.
A man found the cocoon of a butterfly while walking one day, and decided to take it home. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that small hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther.
The man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening, was nature's way of forcing fluids from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we went through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never learn to fly.
I've given this story a lot of thought. There seems to be a fine line between helping someone and giving them too much help. You don't want to get to the point where they become so dependent on your help they're unable to function on their own. I always think of the phrase, "Give a person a fish and they will eat for one meal, teach them to fish and they'll have food for the rest of their life." That to me, is the difference between giving, and giving help that makes a difference in the physical and psychological well-being of a person.
Granted, each person is different in how they view getting help. Pride keeps many people from admitting and accepting any kind of help. Then there are some people who would rather find a way to get a free handout than work for it. In between there are people, who don't want to accept charity, but because of the circumstances they find themselves in, need help to survive.
My father was in the first category. I know he wouldn't mind me telling this story because he was proud of overcoming poverty in his life. Our family was very hard up at one point. When a family friend brought a check for $17.00 to help out, my father's pride stood in the way of his accepting the check. He tore it up and said he'd starve to death before he accepted charity. A lot of that attitude rubbed off on me and I have a hard time with people who aren't willing to try. If someone has money to buy cigarettes at $4.00 a pack and money for booze or drugs, but doesn't have money for food, I have a problem with that.
It all goes back to that butterfly breaking out of the cocoon. If you give it too much help, it will never be able to mature, live a full life, and fly on its own.
I also think of a Vietnam vet friend of mine. He was badly wounded and spent two years in hospitals. At one point he was feeling sorry for himself, had given up, and saw no point in trying to help himself rehab and go on living. One day an old army nurse was fed up with his self-pity. She stepped back, gave his bed a kick, and told him to go ahead and die if he wanted to, because the hospital was full of other soldiers who wanted to live and needed her help. "The subway waits for nobody," she told him, as she went off to help someone else.
That made him mad enough to start fighting again. He would show her. He recovered and despite his injuries, never used them again as an excuse for not being able to do something. He had a teaching degree, and that would have been an easier way for him to go with his physical problems. But he had always loved horses and decided to become a farrier. That's a tough, physical job, but he made a success of it. Don't ever tell him you can't do something. He'll kick you in the butt and tell you, "The subway waits for nobody."
He credits that nurse with saving his life. She was like the cocoon that a butterfly finds itself in, and needs to break out of. She helped fill his wings as he struggled for life, and enabled him to rise out of the circumstances he found himself in and fly on his own. What or who has been your cocoon?
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