I'm Not Ready for the Glue Factory

Across the Fence #381

This past week I felt like an old horse who wonders if his useful days are in the past and it’s time to be put out to pasture or shipped off to the glue factory. For younger readers, that’s an old expression used when a horse had outlived his usefulness as a work animal and was shipped to the slaughter house where glue was made from connective tissue, found in hoofs, bones, tendons, ligaments, and cartilage in animals.

There’s a famous jockey who seldom lost a race. When asked how he achieved this he replied, “I whisper in the horse’s ear: Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that lose are made into glue.”

Thank goodness horses don’t have to deal with computers or they’d have one more thing to worry about. They have enough problems just pulling their load every day. At least they don’t have to deal with their equipment and harness being changed and updated every couple years or sooner.

You’ve probably guessed by now that I’ve been dealing with computer problems lately. As anyone knows who’s used a computer, when everything’s working they are great, but when things don’t work its very frustrating. It’s enough to drive you crazy.

Technology is changing so fast it’s hard to keep up. Technology people say a computer is now out of date after two years. According to that, my personal computer, a MacBook, is heading toward triple antique status. Is it any wonder that things don’t work the way they should? When I get files from other people I have trouble opening them because my system and programs are too old. Whenever I tried to update a program, the computer told me it couldn’t do it because my system wasn’t compatible, meaning it was out-of-date. It was too darn old. I was beginning to feel pretty ancient too, but knew I needed to keep up with technology or head off to the glue factory.

I’m not ready to become somebody’s glue, so I finally decided to bite the bullet and spend the money to purchase a new MacBook Pro. As you may have surmised by now, I’m a Mac guy and have been since I bought my first computer soon after Apple started making Macintosh computers. It’s the only way to go if you work in desktop publishing and graphic arts. Of course us Mac people think it’s the “only” computer!

I also have a Mac at work. That Mac is over four years old, only a double antique. I decided to try upgrading the operating system on that one instead of buying a new computer. That would extent its life for a while. However, because of its age we couldn’t go straight to Lion, a Mac term for their latest operating system. We had to install an older operating system first – Snow Leopard. Then we could install Lion. So now both computers I use have the latest and greatest systems. But not for long; I found out the next system upgrade, Mountain Lion, comes out this summer. Uff da, isn’t technology fun.

At least with the newest operating system I was finally able to update QuarkXPress, my desktop publishing program. So now everything should be fine, right? Wrong! Most of my programs are so outdated they won’t work properly on the new system. Some won’t work at all. Another Uff da.

When I started my office computer on Monday morning, it was the start of “frustration city.” I couldn’t receive or send e-mail. I couldn’t access our company server to get info or update anything. When I tried scanning a photo, the scanner couldn’t find the computer. My new QuarkXPress updated program wouldn’t open and kept crashing. My frustration level and blood pressure was quickly rising and ready to explode. My “Hothead Sven” gene was rising to the surface. I told someone later, if I’d had a .45 within reach, I’d have sent both of my computers on their way to Apple Heaven.

Technology that doesn’t work can really get under your fingernails and becomes a new torture device. It’s even more frustrating when you know just enough about all this new technology to be dangerous. I never know if I’m going to hit the wrong button or command and send the entire operating system into free-fall and crashing into the ground. The problem with a dead computer is that you can’t even make glue out of it.

At that point I knew I had to call in the experts to make everything work properly again. It took most of the day before Dale had it functioning like a computer again. So now I’m back in business, at least for now. I still find glitches as I go along, but most have been corrected.

Now I need to get all my old programs and files transferred to my new personal computer. Uff da, then the frustration will start all over again. That’s the computer I do all my personal work on and write all my stories. Until then, I’m still using my ”triple-ancient” MacBook. I wish I could stick with it. It’s an old, trusted friend and we work well together. But time and technology changes and I need to ride a new horse or get off and walk. I’ll keep riding as long as I can. I’m not ready for the glue factory yet.

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