During the past week, I did four book reading/signing events. They’re always enjoyable because I get to meet and visit with people who read this column each week. I even get new story ideas from you.
Last Saturday I was at Dregne’s Scandinavian Gifts in Westby, Wednesday at the Cashton Library, Thursday at the Black River Falls Library, and Sunday at Norskhaven near Gays Mills during Ridge Fest. Thank you all for inviting me. Also thanks to the Viroqua Women’s Literary Society, who invited me to speak to their group two weeks ago.
I wish I had more time to get around and meet all of you who read “Across the Fence,” but I do have a “real” job that consumes a lot of my time. Rumors that I retired after I moved back to Westby are greatly exaggerated. Some weeks it’s even hard to find time to sit down and write. When I finally kick back, get comfortable, and prepare to write, I often find myself sawing logs instead of writing. Lately I think I’ve sawed enough firewood to heat this house for a year. I don’t think I snore, but Linda claims I do!
There I go, sailing up a different fjord again. Lets get back to those people I meet at book signings. I met Tom Nelson at Norskhaven on Sunday. He was also there with his books. He writes a column for The Fennimore Times called “That’s My Story and I’m Sticking To It.” We had a wonderful conversation about people we meet, not just at book signings, but every day of our lives. There’s a term for it called “Consequential Strangers.” I wasn’t familiar with the term, but after Sunday I understand it.
Consequential strangers is a term used to describe all relationships other than family and close friends. Also known as “peripheral” or “weak” ties, they occupy the vast territory between total strangers and those with whom we have close personal ties. They’re also known as acquaintances.
The people who read our columns feel they know us, but the vast majority of our readers are strangers to us. One way to change that is to interact with those strangers. When people stopped at our tables, we engaged them in conversation, asking them questions about themselves, instead of talking about ourselves. It was amazing. Suddenly we found out we had many things in common with the person. When I’d ask where they lived or were raised, we often found mutual connections to places and people. Even if we didn’t find a common connection, we found a background and experience connection.
It was usually a growing up on a farm mutual experience. We had started out as strangers, but after visiting together, we parted as consequential strangers who had a connection, if only for a short time.
I thought back to other signings this week and realized I’d been involved with many consequential strangers. We are no longer strangers after meeting and visiting together. We now share a mutual bond.
There was the couple at Black River Falls who visited with me after my talk. He asked if I was going to do a story on outhouses and lilac bushes. When we started discussing the subject, I realized there’s definitely a story there. I won’t go into it now, but stay tuned; we’ll talk about it across the fence one of these coming weeks. I told you I get good ideas from readers. The key is to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. We learn a lot more when we do that.
How many encounters with strangers have turned them into consequential strangers in your life? They’re the people who aren’t close friends with you, but they’ve played a role on the stage of your life. It’s like the minor players in a stage production. You may not even know their names, but they have a vital supporting role in the total production. Sometimes we only encounter those people one time, but others come into our life on a regular basis.
The wonderful thing about writing a column like Across the Fence is meeting and hearing your stories. I realize how similar our experiences have been. These aren’t just my stories; they’re our shared stories and experiences. They’re also your stories. You just have to change the names and locations. But it’s also important that you tell your own story. I’ve talked about this with many of you. Don’t take your stories to the grave with you. They will forever be lost to future generations. What would you give to have some stories written by your grandparents or great grandparents? Wouldn’t you like to know what their life was like and what they were thinking? I know I would. Every story is important.
I greatly appreciate all of you who took time out of your busy schedules to show up for my book signings. It gives me renewed energy when you tell me you enjoy the column, and look forward to reading it each week. We may not be close, personal friends, but we’re no longer strangers, we’re consequential strangers and you’re important to me. I look forward to visiting with you each week, across the fence.
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