Fatherhood: Endings and Beginnings

Across the Fence #291

A father and his son sit on the running board of an old farm truck. A single rail, barely visible in the lower portion of the painting, suggests they are waiting for the train to arrive. The son, wearing a white jacket and pants, with a red and white tie, sits up straight, gazing down the track, looking for the train to arrive and take him off to a new adventure, a new beginning. A ticket protrudes from his jacket pocket, and a suitcase with books stacked on top, and a State U pennant on it, rests between his feet. His hands are folded, and the family dog rests his head in his lap. You know from the sad look in the dog’s eyes that he senses something is changing.

The father sits beside his son, slumped forward, with the same sad look as the faithful dog. He looks like a weathered, old farmer. His hat and his son’s hat are both clutched in his large, strong hands. A cigarette dangles from his lips as he looks down the track in the direction the train will be taking his son. I suspect he’s dreading the arrival of the train that will take his son away to college. He knows nothing will ever be the same again. It’s the transition from one stage of their lives to another. That one painting says so much about the endings and beginnings of life and family relationships.

I think this is a very appropriate painting to talk about as we approach Father’s Day. Parents who have sent a child off to college, military service, or a job far away from home, can relate to this picture.

I was ten years old when this painting appeared on the cover. Eight years later, I headed off to college. I can easily insert the images of my father, myself, and our dog, Duke, into that picture. I was full of apprehension at leaving the farm for the big city of Madison, but also excited about whatever adventures awaited me there. I imagine my father felt the same as the man in the painting.

Now I know what it’s like to be on the other end too. We sent our children off to college many years ago. There was an emptiness within us when we left them at college and drove home alone. Our little boy and girl had grown up and were starting a whole new adventure without us. They now had wings and could test them without us hovering nearby. As parents you can only hope you’ve done a good job of providing them with the confidence, values, and tools they’ll need as they fly from the nest and begin their life without you beside them every day.

As a father, I remember carrying them from the delivery room to the nursery. They were so small and helpless. It was scary to realize you were now a parent and this small child was now your responsibility to raise. I think every parent has that panicky thought at some point. But, once you have a child, you don’t know how you ever lived without them.

Time goes by fast and before you know it, they’re walking and talking. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t mention the crying and occasional screaming too. That’s all part of the growing up process and every parent has been there. It seems that all too soon they’re off to nursery school and then high school. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention learning to drive too. That’s a major step in testing their wings.

Through it all, you hope you’ve been a good parent and have been there for them throughout all their growing pains. I realize that having had my own business for over 30 years, I often had to spend long days in the office, and wasn’t always there for them. Even in spite of me, both Erik and Amy matured into great adults. Erik is a Respiratory Therapist in Madison and Amy is in Marketing and Communications with Harley-Davidson corporate office in Milwaukee. We’re very proud of both of them. I can tell you, it’s great seeing your children fly on their own.

Parenting can also have some scary moments. On June 6, 2001, we almost lost Erik. He had a recurring respiratory infection and that evening his lungs starting shutting down. By the time they got him to the hospital he was in cardiac and respiratory arrest. When we arrived at the hospital he was in intensive care with tubes everywhere. It’s a frightful experience for any parent. We were lucky and he survived.

On September 25th we’ll have another major event as parents. I’ll walk Amy down the aisle when she marries Tim Davis during an outdoor ceremony in Waukesha. Another ending and beginning. It will be another transition in our lives, but this is a happy one. It’s great being a father.